Friday, May 11, 2012

I do not where to start

AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota

I absolutely do understand your situation, ironically I am the early stage of where your wife is now.  I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in 2003 was told it was a simple surgery and an ablation and that would be the end of it.  This many years 5 ablations and another surgery later and I am now diagnosed with lung cancer and they have just done mri of the brain and have the abdominal and pelvic scheduled for next week.  I also go back to Vanderbilt which is where i had my last surgery.

I have decided I am not going to have any more treatment as my quality of life is so bad now, I do not want to prolong it and make it more difficult for my family. I can stay by myself now and still do simple things and do not want to get to the stage that I cant at least be somewhat independent.  I ust pray that God will let me go before I become more of a burden to my family.

I am so sorry you are in the position you are in, this is exactly why I dont want to go through all that to just  prolong the inevitable.  I am 58 and have grown children and 5 grandchildren. The saddest part for me is that I will not be able to be here to see my grandchildren grow up.

I do not want to burden my children with the inevitable problems I  will have ,  I really think I am just mad because this happened to me.  I have not been the absolute perfect person however I always worked, two jobs and raised my children.  i  was married for 22 years and divorced then remarried (big mistake)  as I have wound up supporting my husband financiially which makes my life now even more difficult as I do not have a support system. noone to really talk about anything other than im feeling ok when someone calls.

When I had to go on disabiity and quit working I had to step aside from a business I bought, nOW i have a lawsuit against me, I lost my home of twelve years to foreclosure and really wonder each morning why i must wake up for another day. 

I think your wife may feel like me, and just be mad for having been the one to go through this..or maybe she doesnt realize how she is treating you.  Sometimes I think we hurt those that are closest to us, whether we know it or not.

I like you feel so empty, and wonder if I am just being selfish.  Maybe we aare both just being normal.  I do pray that God give you the strength to deal with what you have to come.  That is how I get through each day.  I would like to know how you are doing. My thoughts and prayers will be with you each day.



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